No, really?

So yesterday Jeremy informed me that the circus was coming to town and he really wanted to take the kids. Did he learn nothing from last years circus experience?

I laughed and laughed. Funny little Jeremy. And he looked around the room like he missed something and said "No, really."

Seriously? For reals? I may or may not have hit him in the back of the head.

Anything you can do, I can do better. No really. I can.

My trendy little sister is doing this 30 for 30 challenge. Have you heard of it? You pick 30 pieces of clothing and can only mix and match them for an entire 30 days. Lauren is totally inspiring me. So before you go any further, click here to check out her 30 for 30 items. No really. Go.

I'll wait.

....

Now, I'm much more practical then Lauren so I think...no...I know I can totally do this better. So here I am doing my own 30 for 30, but I'm doing 13 for 30. Cause I am that good.

And I figure, I dress awesome anyway.

Might as well post it here and share some inspiration, right?

Here you go. You're welcome.

1. Down East 2. Old Navy 3. Old Navy? 4. Motherhood Maternity 5. Wal-mart

1. Jeremy's closet 2. H&M

1. Christmas (this doubles as a coat so it's totally versatile)

1. Jeremy's closet 2. Santa 6 years ago (so vintage)

1. Sketchers 2. ? Who knows

So those are my items. Hopefully I've inspired you like Lauren has inspired me. I'd say look forward to all my 30 posts w/ ROCKIN' outfits, but lets face it. I still haven't even posted Brynlie's pictures from the first day of school. You can pretty much guarantee 30 days of pictures in a row is not going to happen. But if you seriously need me to dress you, come on over and observe.

Hence the title

I love technology. But not as much as you you see.

I am not ok with this

Once upon a time I had a baby named Brynlie. 

She sat there. 

And didn't move. 

For one year.

I witnessed other mothers strapping their babies into things like bouncers and strollers.

And I mocked them. 

Why strap in a baby? They don't need it. They just sit there!

Then Kelson was born. And the same was said of him. I continued to laugh at the mothers who felt it necessary to tie down their little babies. Why would they even make straps on baby gear? Fools.

Then Dane was born. And a light bulb clicked. And I was put in my place. 

I suddenly understood why things have straps. And why people drag their children around on a leash. Because apparently some children require them. And I may be loosing my mind as I figure this out. 

Dane is Houdini. He can get out of everything and crawl into anything. I bet if I stuck Kelson in a crib he still couldn't figure out how to crawl out. But Dane can.

Brynlie couldn't walk up the stairs by herself til she was 3 (we have some seriously uncoordinated children). But Dane can. 

Kelson never attempted to crawl on the dining room table, or up the latter to the bunk beds, or on top of the toilet, or inside the cupboards, or over a fence. But Dane can. 

We have had this high chair for 5 years and this is the first time we had to use the straps. 

I am not ok with this.

I no like you no more!

So one night I had spent 2 glorious hours at walmart. It was late and I was alone. I took my time gathering up all the stuff that I don't have time to usually get. I had a cart full of great things I had been meaning to pick up for the last few months. Right when I was heading to purchase my goods, I saw smoke everywhere.
Some teenagers had set a rack of clothes on fire! As Walmart tried to rush me out, I tried to convince them why it was necessary for me to checkout even if it meant risking smoke inhalation. I would use self checkout if needed.
They didn't care that I had spent 20 minutes weighing the pros and cons of several shampoos. They didn't care that I rummaged through the discount aisle for 15 minutes or that I finally remembered to pick up that patch to fix the hole in my favorite jeans. They didn't care that I had a cart full of odds and ends that could never be replaced with 3 children in  tow. They didn't care that I seriously did not want to leave!!

So I took one last look at the goods I would never own, and slowly walked away. I camped out in my car for a good hour and a half before realizing they weren't going to let me in any time soon...that and the fact that my milk had been sitting in my cart for a good 2 hours and there was no way I wanted it now. So I left in defeat. Stinking teenagers.

 "I no like you no more"

{bahahahaha}

Circus vs. Julie Who's the bigger freak?

This last week the circus was in town. No not this kind of circus:

More like this kind of circus:

minus the happy clowns, plus a few safety violations.

For the first half of the show Kelson was like this:

slightly terrified, slightly intrigued

I may or may not have some extreme anxiety issues. Extreme might be too light a word. Basically I'm a freak and require medication periodically because I worry about EVERYTHING. So this circus was nothing short of a small heart attack for me. There was fire, people too high in the air, balancing, no safety nets, questionable food...

Again...not this:

more like this:

As soon as I entered I started making my escape plan for what I would do (besides hyperventilate) when the animals got loose and storm the audience.

Alright ladies and gentlemen... I think we should play a riveting round of 

"SPOT THE LIFE THREATENING CIRCUS HAZARD"

  

First up...

Do you see it??

Here's an idea. Lets take an 800 lb bear, put him on a thin nylon leash and then....are you ready for this?? ....lets tell all of the sugar filled children to rush down from the audience and crowd the stadium as fast as they can so they can sit next to this enormous wild animal we call a circus bear. But don't worry, cause he's on a leash so all is well. And if anything does go wrong, they can just walk him out of the mosh pit of children and put him in time out.

I would like to believe if these 4 and 5 year old children can climb that fence, then a bear with the same size and strength of my car can do it as well. Does anyone else understand my logic here??

Alright...on to #2. Can you spot one of the many life threatening hazards?

Wait for it....

Here 3 year old child, climb up on the back of this wild 15,453 lb elephant. (for reals, that's how much they weigh. It's googleable)  I'll strap you up there with 24 other kids and take your picture...(and Julie will sit in the stands and record the stampede for youtube.)

Ok last one I can take...my heart is pounding just writing this. Me? A stressed out mess? Check.

So here is an obviously insane man in a cage with 6 wild tigers. What's that little white box strapped to his back you ask? Why, that's a box full of raw meat that the (hopefully well paid) trainer throws at the tigers when they obey.

See any danger here?? Do I really have to point this one out?

That is all I can say. Call me overprotective...call me crazy...but circus's are not good for a person with anxiety disorders. Plus, I had just read The Hunger Games, so that wasn't helpful to the situation either. I was waiting for a cannon to go off the whole time. 

But that's all from my point of view. Ask the kids and it was all cotton candy and rainbows the whole night.

They thought it was pretty cool...even if I didn't strap them to a wild carnivore.  

nom nom nom

K's awesome hair

This is how Kelson started out...

Then came the Sloth look. Seriously what were we thinking? Why didn't we shave his head?
That's awesome.

I tried to get a picture of Kelson's hair now. This is the best I could get. Every time we cut it you can see a ring around his head. It looks like he's balder in that ring, but he just has really light hair there.


Cleaning up hair is fun to do. Fun to do, to do , to do...

What a cute kid!

Dear Julianne...

Dear Julianne Hough,
So today I went to the fair. These are my kids playing in the dirty germ/urine filled corn.
They're cute hu? Yeah, I know.





So my sister, mom and I went to go see you today. And we got to the concert and were all like:


And then this band came to entertain us:

and I was like "Wow! He looks like a pirate!"


And then I remembered that someone else may or may not have that same shirt...and she may or may not have been wearing it that night. So I shut my mouth.
And then we got a little bored...

and questioned the opening act

and then we were all "I can't take it anymore!!"

But then this guy came out and made it all better.


And then the opening band left...and we waited for you...for 40 minutes...

But then you finally came! And I was like:

And not because it was you...but because you actually had a headband on your forehead. So I quickly had to text someone else who also enjoys a ridiculous cute little headband on the forehead.



But then fortunately sadly it fell of your head. And left you with a big fat rubber band indent on your forehead. Bummer.
I thought you were from Utah? When you sing you have a southern accent?? You must have grown up in Spanish Fork.

And I was super impressed with all the big name band members you have. A little Tommy Lee...

you even had a little Kristen Stewart...

and now we know where this guy has been the last 13 years:

But this one was my all time favorite

Way to rock it Joel. It's totally him, right? Silly Jules. Can I call you that? Since we're tight now? It's just that Julianne is really long. And it's really like multiple names put together anyway...so this works for me.

You had a fun concert. I couldn't understand a word you sang though :( But when you stopped singing, I did understand you. And it wasn't pretty. Maybe you should stick to mumbled singing...or dancing. *{{hugs}}* I still love you though Jules.


Then, after 20 minutes of my mom heckling me to walk up to you, I finally gave in and did. Since Jaime and I were like sitting in your lap, I tried to ask you if you needed a ride to church tomorrow, or if you wanted me to give you this months visiting teaching message, but you totally ignored me. So then we looked around us and noticed we were the only people crowding the stage that were over the age 16. *Embarrassing*


If you change your mind and need a ride to church tomorrow, let me know. I should go now. When I blog late at night I ramble a bit. Thanks for the sweet night. I fear the flashing spotlights on the audience may give my mother another stroke, but other than that it was pretty fun. If I were in high school I would have stuck around and bought you a dough boy, but I'm now a married woman with a child to suckle, so I had to split.
Tell Chucky hi for me.
-XOXO Julie
P.S. I like your shirt
P.S.S. Nix the headband next time :)