March 14, 2010

Circus vs. Julie Who's the bigger freak?

This last week the circus was in town. No not this kind of circus:

More like this kind of circus:

minus the happy clowns, plus a few safety violations.

For the first half of the show Kelson was like this:

slightly terrified, slightly intrigued

I may or may not have some extreme anxiety issues. Extreme might be too light a word. Basically I'm a freak and require medication periodically because I worry about EVERYTHING. So this circus was nothing short of a small heart attack for me. There was fire, people too high in the air, balancing, no safety nets, questionable food...

Again...not this:

more like this:

As soon as I entered I started making my escape plan for what I would do (besides hyperventilate) when the animals got loose and storm the audience.

Alright ladies and gentlemen... I think we should play a riveting round of 
First up...
Do you see it??

Here's an idea. Lets take an 800 lb bear, put him on a thin nylon leash and then....are you ready for this?? ....lets tell all of the sugar filled children to rush down from the audience and crowd the stadium as fast as they can so they can sit next to this enormous wild animal we call a circus bear. But don't worry, cause he's on a leash so all is well. And if anything does go wrong, they can just walk him out of the mosh pit of children and put him in time out.

I would like to believe if these 4 and 5 year old children can climb that fence, then a bear with the same size and strength of my car can do it as well. Does anyone else understand my logic here??

Alright...on to #2. Can you spot one of the many life threatening hazards?

Wait for it....

Here 3 year old child, climb up on the back of this wild 15,453 lb elephant. (for reals, that's how much they weigh. It's googleable)  I'll strap you up there with 24 other kids and take your picture...(and Julie will sit in the stands and record the stampede for youtube.)

Ok last one I can heart is pounding just writing this. Me? A stressed out mess? Check.
So here is an obviously insane man in a cage with 6 wild tigers. What's that little white box strapped to his back you ask? Why, that's a box full of raw meat that the (hopefully well paid) trainer throws at the tigers when they obey.

See any danger here?? Do I really have to point this one out?

That is all I can say. Call me me crazy...but circus's are not good for a person with anxiety disorders. Plus, I had just read The Hunger Games, so that wasn't helpful to the situation either. I was waiting for a cannon to go off the whole time. 
But that's all from my point of view. Ask the kids and it was all cotton candy and rainbows the whole night.
They thought it was pretty cool...even if I didn't strap them to a wild carnivore.  
nom nom nom


  1. You crack me up! For reals! We went to the circus too and while the animals didn't send me through the roof good ole ANATOLE and his wheel of destiny sure did, bout five seconds into that charade I just had to cover my eyes and the one time I did get brave and peek through my finger window (I'll have to explain that one later) he FELL!!!!! Seriously! Luckily he caught himself on his way down with one hand on the outside of that insane wheel. When they locked to large motorcycles in that tiny ball I had to leave . . .no really, got up and walked behind the blechers while my small children sat BY THEMSELVES to view the carnage that would most certainly ensue. . .yes I am ashamed. But one good thing did come of it all, next year when the circus is in town I will get a nice quiet night at home while TERRY takes the kids :)

  2. Sara that wheel was the scariest thing for me too! I absolutely hated that the very most. I don't have any pictures of it cause I couldn't look. I seriously covered my eyes for most of it. Was he at the top when he fell? He put a blindfold on for some of his routine and I lost it. These people are crazy.

  3. That post just cracked me up. I totally agree with you on all the things that were wrong with the circus. We went last year and I just couldn't do another year of it. So I just kept hiding those free tickets that the kids would bring home from school and hope they would forget. And I am lucky they did. Now you can say you've done it and your good. Right?

  4. Julie, Julie, Julie - you are just too much!!!!! When the circus comes to Sacramento, I'll be sure to let you know (so you'll be sure to not visit us at that time). Glad my kidlets are still alive and well.

  5. crack me up Jules!!

  6. Oh, and another thing . . . Raegan's new life ambition is to be a acrobat in the circus, remember the super hero girls, you know, the ones with the leotards whose bum cover was about as wide as a ruler . . .yeah them, she was totally inspired . . .awesome. So next weekend I think I'll take her to the alabi, cuz really what kind of mom would I be if I didn't show her all her options!
    ps sorry for the novel
    pss two mortorcycles :)

  7. I knew there was a reason why I like you so much. We are so much alike. I would have had a break down if I had been there. Oh my gosh my heart started beating faster just looking at the photos. And the whole Hunger Games reference, I was totally thinking that. You need to read Water for Elephants its all about a circus. I think you would slightly hate it. Anyways I'm glad you survived it. I can't get over the bear, are they for REAL!!! Okay I gotta go and look at a someone else's blog to take my mind of yours.

  8. bahahahahahaha! Waiting for cannons to fire. It's Klamath Falls, what do you expect a circus to be?

  9. You forgot the fat lady juggling with her feet!! Julie I am so disappointed!! I was so looking forward to that part! My kids thought the Bear was sedated!

  10. Sparklepants3/15/2010

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Matt Damon)

  11. Yeah Rachel, that picture was so unattractive, I couldn't bring myself to post it. So very wrong.

  12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! YOu are hilarious. That's pretty much all I can say. Thanks for the good laugh- I needed it today. Too many tantrums, not enough food for me because I'm practically starving myself to lose 4 freakin' pounds, dirty house, packing b.c I'm coming to klamath tomorrow (that's right!)- all that makes me grumpy! So, thanks for the cheering up!=)

  13. Oh my goodness Julie!! I almost peed my pants reading this blog entry. My husband was thinking I was some sort of freak show trying to read this in between tears. I was dying with laughter! You seriously crack me up!